“Sorry, but I think differently than you do.” “Sorry I didn’t respond to your message on time.” “I’m sorry but I didn’t dress up properly for this occasion.” Sorry, sorry, sorry? Where does so much guilt come from?
One explanation is the way we were brought up to be obedient and behave. This may be a direction that justifies the results of surveys that show that women apologize for everyday situations much more than men.
It could be before a position, to challenge a co-worker, to justify a WhatsApp message or even to say that she is not dressed up for the occasion. The truth is, we’re apologizing too much and it’s not necessary.
I have a friend who apologizes for everything. She drives me crazy, starts any conversation with an apology and actually, instead of sounding polite, she ends up sounding insecure to me. Check it out, let’s match? Sorry is something you ask for or receive as a result of a mistake you made. If there’s no mistake, there’s no excuse.
Some of us use excuses as a strategy to be heard, accepted and well liked in the environments we frequent. We know that women who scratch this little word out of their dictionaries are likely to be treated as unfriendly. If this woman is black, her assertiveness will be interpreted as bad temper and rudeness, she will be forever branded as the angry black woman. But we need to normalize our speech and support each other so that our self-affirmation is light and without self-demands, and so that we can destroy the stereotypes created in an attempt to control ourselves.
Shall we arrange a little something here between us? You can assert yourself without having to apologize, without having to charge yourself so much. The world is already full of people ready to fire you with life’s endless demands, ranging from your electricity bill to your behavior at Carnival. So be nicer to yourself and live your life with less guilt and more freedom. And stop apologizing.
